Posted by: JackRyan88 | December 9, 2010

Shame in Conflict

The term “Shame in Conflict” is a term I coined.  Because it how I shame myself during a moment of conflict.  For me, when I am in the heat of conflict or I have done something wrong, I don’t necessarily see myself as a failure.  But to other’s I feel they see my imperfection, and I begin to feel the shame of the moment.  Maybe the person doesn’t even see my imperfection, but to me I am now imperfect to them.  Of course no one is perfect, and for me I know I am not perfect.  But I do not want others to see my imperfection.

For instance, I made a mistake at work and someone found out about it.  Immediately my heart rate increase and my inner-self switches into a mode of tearing me apart and I begin to wonder how that person thought of me.  My inner-self tells me, that I screwed up, I am not perfect, I am not worthy, I hate life, and I want to die.  It’s that downward spiral into the dark abyss of self-shame. 

Shame is a sin and it is in Christ we can find forgiveness of those sins, by drawing closer to him and placing are burdens on him.

“The biggest reason you feel shame often has to do with the weakness of your humanity. We want to be closer to God, but things happen that constantly remind us of our human weakness—things that aren’t necessarily sin, but we feel dirty and ashamed to draw near to God as a result.” [Excerpt from]

In Hebrews 10: 22, “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water”.  God is saying let me cleanse you of your guilty conscience and wash you to forgive you of your sins.  He knows we are not perfect, and we can never seek the perfection of him.  But he is saying, come close to me and let me rid you of your guilty conscience, and let me purify your burdens, come close and see what I can do for you.

I have also felt shame as I have grown closer to God.  In the greatness and holiness of God, we know God to be perfect in every sense.  As we draw closer to God, we see God’s eyes upon us.  God see all of our failures and imperfections.  It is in that moment; we turn away and don’t want God to see how awful we are.  God encourages us in 1 John 2:28, “And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.”

We take comfort in knowing God welcomes us who are so imperfect.  He welcomes our imperfections, our burdens, our failures and says, be close to me and I will comfort you and cleanse you of all these sins. 

 The term “Shame in Conflict” comes to me because of how I see my failures, my shameful moments to people.  People who probably don’t even see my failures, but I perceive they do and wonder what image they have of me.  But also it is the shame of God seeing my imperfections.  It’s comforting to know that we are all human are we are all imperfect, and God knows this and he cleanses us from those sins.  All he asks is that we have a close personal relationship with him.


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