Posted by: JackRyan88 | April 6, 2014

A conversation

There are so many things I want to do yet in life. I want to travel, see the world with my wife by my side. I want to write a book or two (already have the ideas in my head, just need to get it from there to paper). Make movies, and just be alive!

You ask what is stopping you? I say, “Motivation!” Yeah, pretty lame huh? Why??? Why do I lack motivation to be alive and just live? Because I have tried and it never comes out the way I expected it too. You lose motivation because you begin to believe you have failed. You failed at your plans.

I look back on life I see lots of failures. Failures that have brought me shame. Shame, which has rattled my soul, rattled my self down to nothing.

And then I saw the light, I saw Jesus Christ carry me in those times. And even though my burdens seemed heavy, he carried me. He lifted me from the doorstep of death and carried me. And when I could walk, he walked along side of me. During this walk we had a conversation, which went like this…

And I asked him, “I knew you were always there, but why didn’t I call to you?” And Jesus replied, “Evil had you blinded to see and believe there was nothing more than a man walking next to you. So when you could not walk, I carried you. And when you could not talk I talked for you. Talking and walking didn’t win your soul. In my death, I won your soul, all you have to do is put your faith in me, and I will deliver you to eternal life with my father.” Looking perplexed I wondered and asked, “Why for me?”

Jesus replied, “I have paid the ransom to death, so that those who have trust in me will live in eternal life. You can live now knowing the penalty of sin has been paid. I ask only that you live as a living sacrifice.” But Lord, “I am so not worthy of this, I have sinned, I have failed, I come so short of being a living sacrifice!”

Jesus replied, “No my brother you are a child of God, you are loved far beyond comprehension” I quickly replied, “Why love me? I am no one, I have nothing to offer. I have given so little and fallen so far, why love me?”

Jesus knelt down on bended knee, looked at the green grass that lay in front of us, and said… “Scott my brother, you are a child of God. His love is not based on performance, it is unconditional and undeserved. He loves you in spite of your disobedience, your weakness, your sin and your selfishness. Even in the midst of this Our Father has provided a way to abundant and eternal life.

I fell to the ground in front of Jesus and cried. How could I be a recipient of such love and grace? As Jesus said, it was undeserving, yet real. I could feel such love pour out of him in the words he said. I look up to Jesus and said, “I know I am a sinner, there is so much shame. How do I cast these chains of sin from me?”

Jesus stood and turned and looked into me as if he was reaching into my soul and said, “Believe in me, and I will create in you a clean heart, cleansed by my blood that was shed for you. For I do not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but I look at the heart. And I see you who were created in my father’s image. You are his son, and his love and grace is all around you. Accept it and be giving of it to all. You are to show the world his abundant love for all.”

We stood there for what seemed like hours, although no words were spoken, my soul listened to what Jesus was conveying. I could feel his love, warm and abundance surround and consume me. It was in those moments I realized I was much more in the eyes of God. I was his child.

Some days are difficult, I wonder and become skeptical, where is God. But I am always reminded of my conversation with Him. HE is always with me, and when I cannot see him, I know it is because he is carrying me high on his shoulders. Allowing me to see the world, and wake-up and know how simple life is meant to be. It is as adults that we have to make things so difficult, we create our own hardships; for we lose sight of what is important. Our focus is on the one who has truly given us life, eternal life.

The grace and love of Jesus Christ entered my soul, and has a woken it. I will fall many times in this journey, but I have the love and grace, and his strength to get back up, and be carried until I have the strength to carry through. For my strength comes from him alone.

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